1. Don't spend big cash on anything made of jersey. Why? This is primarily a summer fabric, and even in summer jersey doesn't fit in at fancy dinners or most offices. Jersey lends itself to relaxed cuts and unstructured lines, so a more expensive piece won't necessarily show its price. Jersey is stylish and comfortable, but chances are good that dresses and tops made from this fabric will show too much wear after one summer regardless of their price.
-American Apparel
-H&M
-Old Navy
-Gap
-Target, which has recently featured lines by Behnaz Seraphour and Proenza Schouler!!!
-Francesca's Boutiques if you're in the Chicago area
-Forever 21 (Swallow your pride and do it)
Top: Vince Cinch Waist Jersey Dress, $125 on shopbop.com. Bottom: Women's Banded Tank Dress, $14.99 at oldnavy.com.
2. Hair accessories. Vintage-y headbands have caught the attention of the non-D.I.Y.er crowd, and retailers at every price echalon are taking advantage of this. Instead of buying a $20 "vintage" headband like a tool, please drag your fat ass to a thrift or vintage store and buy as many old lady scarves as $10 will get you. I wouldn't be surprised if most places sold them by the pound. Take your new finds home, rid them of mothball smell (this step is important), and fold and tie into headband formation. If you're really ambitious, buy some elastic and make a few stitches to your new headbands. You can lie and say you got them at Urban Outfitters if you really need to.
The OFFENDERS... Top: Jennifer Behr's Leather Turban Headbands, $98 at intermix.com. Bottom: Karen Zambos Vintage Couture Head Scarf, $100 at shopbop.com.
3. Flats. More specifically: Any shoes you will wear more than once a week without socks. Imagine a pair of Chanel flats, resplendent in their quilted leather glory. Now picture your disgusting germy foot sweatily wedging itself into aformentioned pricey flats. If you're throwing up like me, then you get my point. I don't care how clean or beautiful your feet look-- expensive shoes are meant to be worn with socks to prolong their wear for as LONG as POSSIBLE. I choose the alternative: cheap flats that I can cram my foot into unprotected.
-Old Navy
-Target
-Urban Outfitters
-Zappos.com
-Overstock.com
-Rocketdogs
-Steve Madden
Top: Tory Burch Nappa Leather "Reva" Ballet Flat, $195. Bottom: Nine West "Steph" Flats, $50.
WHEN TO SPLURGE...
1. Denim. I'm so snobby about denim I don't even deign to call them "jeans" or "pants" or the dreaded "slacks." Denim can take ten pounds off of a person while removing as many years. Quality denim can lift a sagging ass toward the heavens. Ok... I'm done. Some features to look for...
Quality MATERIAL with enough weight but just a little bit of stretch. No stretch is probably a bad idea. Very thin denim won't work for your body as well.
COLOR is just as important. Darker washes tend to be more slimming, but any wash can be flattering if the outer seams are slightly darker than the fabric on the middle of the leg. Excessive fading, ripping, and/or whiskering is distracting, and combine to make your lower half a focal point.
POCKETS are pretty controversial to denim nazis. I am generally opposed to jeans without back pockets, although tab pockets (often found on trouser jeans) are fine.
